A Mother's Worst Nightmare

The Sandra Cantu case is driving my anxiety level through the roof. That little girl is haunting my waking and sleeping hours and I can't stop it. As a mom, I just can't even begin to comprehend how you could hurt a child like that. I just don't. And as a mom, I don't know how Sandra's mom can even breathe. The images of what the news story conjure up makes me physically ill. If it had been MY child? I just don't know how I would take one step, let alone the rest of my life.

To imagine what the last hours, minutes of your precious baby's life must have been like. The fear. The terror. The cries for help. The cries for you........I just can't keep the tears from coming. That poor baby girl. That poor mother.

I have such a high level of anxiety when it comes to keeping my children safe. I know I am not alone in this but seriously - their safety is paramount to me. Above all else. I want them safe every minute of every day from the day they entered this world until the day they die in their beds from old age. The thought of someone just ripping their life away makes me crazy with fear.

I know there are lots of people who take it all in stride. Who know they have no control over what happens. I'm not one of them. I feel like I do have, no...MUST have control over their safety. If I can't keep them safe, then who will?

D and I have completely different approaches to caring for the children. She is one of those more laid back people. While it isn't ideal, losing our son in Chuck E Cheese didn't really phase her. "All's well that ends well." I, on the other hand, would never let him out of my sight long enough for him to *get* lost.

That's a simple illustration but it makes my point. Not that I am saying she isn't careful with them - she is. Just not as hyper-vigilant as I want her to be....or as I hold myself accountable.

My point in that is that I have incredibly high anxiety about my children. And the story of Sandra Cantu has taken it to a new level. These cases always do...they *always* do.

And the thought of how Sandra's mother's heart must be shattered and how she must be imagining those last minutes over and over and over again.....well.....it shatters my heart.