Etiquette Faux Pas

In my lifetime to date, and I'm sure in years to come, I have made (and will make) many faux pas when it comes to etiquette. After all, how many of us are perfect? Well - there is Miss. Manners but honestly, I bet she wasn't always so perfect. :)

Once, when my daughter was eight months old, my son was 3.5 years and Dakota had just began evening law school I was invited to dinner at the home of a mom in my moms club. I was in the throes of PPD and I was a mess. I finally accepted her offer for dinner because I genuinely liked her - even though, quite honestly, she intimidated me. She was so worldly and well-read. She had an impressive career that she was eager to get back to, lived in a gigantic and beautiful house, etc.

We enjoyed a dinner that she made for us after making an entire kid-friendly meal for the little one(hers and mine) and I had a really nice evening.

I always meant to invite her over to my house for dinner. Honestly, I did. I knew it was the right thing to do and it would be fun - even if my world was nothing near as grand as hers. Dinner wouldn't be anything fancy because I don't cook very well at all and would never think to force someone, not related to me, to eat anything that I might be able to come up with (kid meals I can do but nothing adult-centered. That was always Dakota's thing - she is a great cook!). But....as time does, it got away from me.

I was struggling so, so, so hard to keep things together while it literally felt like things were coming apart at the seams. Things spun out of control there for a while and I just never did put the invite out there. Mostly I was just trying to keep my head above water (and mostly failing to do that) and the thought of entertaining and keeping things together during the evening hours was completely beyond my reach.

So...time went by. By the time I could breathe again it felt like way too much time had passed and we no longer really saw each other since she had returned to work and was rarely at the weekly moms group. (To be fair, I was hardly there either.)

Our relationship, when we did run into each other, was always friendly and never strained. Eventually, I let go of the "I need to do this" pressure I had on myself.

But - I still feel guilty for not responding in kind with a dinner invitation. And I hope that she forgives me. And I hope someday I can let go of feeling guilty about it.

I appreciate the rules of etiquette, for the most part. But sometimes I think we all need to forgive ourselves and each other for indiscretions we all make along the way.

Well Deserved Break

Yesterday I had a well deserved and much needed break from the kids. I love my kids more than anything but just like every one in the world, sometimes you still need to get away for a while.

It's rare that I have the opportunity for a break and truth be told, I actually had two over the course of the weekend. Saturday night the kids were doing their usual "kid stuff" at the end of the day - they were both tired and everything was pushing their buttons and setting them off and, as a result, they were pushing my buttons and setting me off. (Funny how that happens, right? :) )

While cleaning up the dinner dishes with Dakota something set off both kids at once (different things and different issues but lucky for us, both at the same time). Good heavens - I thought I was going to come completely unglued. To say it had been a long two weeks with both kids being sick, etc. is an understatement.

I looked at Dakota and said something like "I. Cannot. Take. This. For. Another. Minute." She looked at me and said "Why don't you take off for an hour or so - just bring back something good for dessert for us for later." :)

I quickly kissed the squalling off-spring, grabbed my purse (yes, I carry one. I had to give in after having kids because there is just so much stuff to lug from place to place to place), my keys and cell phone, kissed Dakota, uttered my undying gratitude and out the door I flew.

But where to go. Hmmmmmmmmm. I ended up at Fred Meyer (a One-Stop Shopping type place) and rambled around aimlessly. I didn't need anything (except dessert. I must remember dessert.) and since it's not like money grows on trees I wasn't going to just buy for the sake of buying so I felt a little lost. I found swimming suits (I do need a new one but alas, I can't find anything that "suits" me. LOL!) and ended up taking a photo on the cell phone to send my to brother's girlfriend. She and I had looked at suits together a few weeks back and had a good time making fun of most of the ones we saw (Did you know they have one that looks like a Twister game. Seriously? Wow.) so I knew she would love the one I saw that night. It was Hello Kitty suit with a big ol' outline of the kitty herself on the top. Ummmmm....ok? Maybe I'm old but I found that somewhat disturbing.

I decided I just had to show you so I just sent it to myself in email. Here it is:


I know, right? Wow. Sign me up - I think I need to get one of those puppies. *rolling my eyes*

Anyway - so I had a nice hour to myself on Saturday and then yesterday was one of the kids cousin's 7th birthday party and I just didn't want to go. The thought of two glorious hours to myself was way, way, WAY more appealing and thankfully Dakota was fine with taking the kids and going without me. After they left the house was so quiet. Really, really quiet. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!! I read for a little while and then decided to take a trip to Ikea. The store is not quite a year old and we have been there once though lately I've been trying to get back there to check out a few things. It has just never worked out with the kids and whatnot. So, I jumped into the car and drove the 20 minutes to the store. Since it was late afternoon parking was easy. I was in and out of the store in less than 40 minutes - empty handed. Which was fine. They didn't have what I was looking for and since I didn't need anything else, it was easy to walk through and keep moving. I still want to get back there with Dakota because I think it would be fun to look at things together. We have to go without the kids though - they were a bit challenging to herd through there and I'm not sure the play place would be a good option for them. Maybe the next time we have a date night we can go there and check things out together. I know. Exciting but hey - at least we would be together. :)

So there you have it. Three hours of kid-free, alone time in one weekend. I do believe that is the largest slice of "me time" I've had in ....well.....probably all school year. Maybe longer.

I suck at getting "me time" because I feel pulled in so many different directions. I'm alone with the kids most of the time so when Dakota is around I usually want family time since we have so little of it. Yes, I could take off more often when Dakota is home on Sunday but then I miss the only time we have together all week. It's tough because it's a choice I just don't want to make. Family time, because there is so little of it, wins (almost) every time.

This is the last week of classes for Dakota and then it's two more weeks until her last final for the year. Summer time is coming which means more family time and more chances for breaks and date nights. YAY!!!

Blech

Sick kids for one week and one day. Not that I'm counting.....oh who am I kidding? Of course I'm counting! Would it be better to have them sick at the exact same time or is this the preferred method; one sick, then better then the other sick? I'm not sure but from where I sit today I'm thinking at the same time would be better. Either way I'm losing sleep but at the same time would mean it would not be extended over a two week span.

I love my house but I'm ready to venture into the real world now. Staying here 24/7 (with short trips to drop off and pick up school aged child) only brings into focus how much needs to be done. I can usually ignore the fact that the walls could really use a fresh coat of paint but frankly, when you stare at them for NINE days, it becomes more than obvious. Same thing goes for the grout around the sinks. They really need to be redone. And the kitchen window sill? It really needs to be scrubbed with a toothbrush.

Two days ago, while in a lull of the full blown sickness, I scrubbed out the washer (specifically where the soap, etc. goes. It's a front loader and it can get rather nasty in there.) and spent over an hour scrubbing the kitchen sink and surrounding area. And kick in the pants on the sink part is - it doesn't look much different than before I started. Guess it wasn't that awful to start with. *sigh* But at least I *know* it's clean.

I'm just saying.

It's time for the kids to be healthy now. And to stay healthy. Otherwise, goodness knows what else I will find that needs to be cleaned. :)

Suggested Topic

Audra wrote: some days i have a hard enough time thinking of topics for my blog lol.

One fun thing might be to go back a year on your blog and write about what was going on a year ago compared to now?

Hmmm...not sure fun is the word for it but I took the challenge anyway. I know exactly where I was and what was going on exactly one year ago.

April 7th 2007 found us in the Seattle area celebrating my mom's last Easter. We drove up on Friday the 6th and spent the afternoon playing in the park with my brother and Cara and Saturday the 7th we spent the morning hours at the adult family home where my parents resides having Easter - including the egg hunt. I find it impossible to believe now that in one month and three days time my mother would pass from this earth. Here is link to the slideshow I created from that weekend. And here is the write up from it. Reading it again brought it all back...including the tears.

We, of course, knew she was dying. In fact we believed it would be sooner than that because the next weekend found the kids and I moving into an extended stay hotel to be near my family. We were there for five weeks in total while Dakota continued to work, attend classes and take finals during the week and commute the three hours to be with us on the weekends. My mom held on weeks longer than expected which was a mixed blessing on every possible level. But maybe that's a topic I can revisit at another time.

May 11th will be the one year anniversary of her death. It is also Mother's Day. Ironic, no?

So while it isn't exactly a pleasant fun-filled trip down memory lane it does seem right to have gone back and read about the visit and watch the slide show. I'm anxious about the one year anniversary - I don't know why. Maybe it was fate that Audra suggested what she did. Maybe strolling down memory lane of the next few weeks will help me get through it.

Days

Some days I just don't know.

Cryptic, I realize, but that's the thought that is in my mind right now. I just don't know. Anything.

Well -this I know. I suck at keeping up with two blogs. I created this one to do brain dumps of non-kid related stuff but the thing is, it feels odd to "dump and run". Out of context, all my "stuff" sounds trivial..or dramatic...or boring.

Out of context.

I would love to have a place to vent about anything and everything because I don't so much have that in my life. A safe place to vent. A place to show off that yes, I do actually have a brain in my head and it's a darn good one with valid thoughts, dreams, goals and opinions. Yes, there is Dakota and of course we talk about stuff but sometimes I wouldn't mind having a place where I could vent/discuss things with someone else. Or no one. A lot of people have friends at work to be a sounding board. Some stay at home moms have a built in network of friends they can get together with and vent (and drink). I don't. Mostly because the kids are with me always. It's a rare day, a rare moment when I am not with them. Out of necessity. Because Dakota is gone so much of the time and when she *is* home, I'd rather be spending time together as a family.

So a blog for venting, for well...bitching (for lack of a better term) would be a good outlet for me (and I love those bitchy "open letters" that people do. They look like fun!). But the reality is, it would have to be an anonymous place in order for me to feel safe enough to let it all out and let me again point out that I suck at keeping up with two blogs so adding another would be really not smart.

My intention always is to update this one at least every third day. Umm....hmmm...that didn't so much work out during March, did it? I see this blog sitting in my blogger dashboard and I think "I've got to go post something. But what? I have nothing that seems important enough to share." and so I think "Tomorrow. I'll do it tomorrow. I'll think of something really amazing."

And the weeks roll by. Go figure.

Maybe I need a writing assignment that is due at least once a week. I wonder if there is anything like that out there n blogland. You go to the site and there, sitting right there for the taking, is a topic. Those who wish to play can play. Wouldn't that be great?

Let's see....good topics might be:
Share with the class your best vacation memories.
Tell us about your favorite flowers and what you like about it.
A perfect day - what would it look like for you?

That's a thought, isn't it? Assigned topics. I'll have to give that some thought. In the mean time, for the 3 of you who actually stop by on a weekly basis to read, feel free to assign a topic to me. I'd be thrilled to have an assignment.